If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
