I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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