I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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