Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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