dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
