One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
