People with herpes should wear stickers.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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