nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
i now understand why vodka
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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