he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
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I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
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This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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