final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You made out with two different species that night
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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