Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
