i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
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Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
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You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize