You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
