You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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