they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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