Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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