but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
