It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
