You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
