Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just invented taco cereal.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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