Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Two words: blizzard sex
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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