he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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