I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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