i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
