May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
