I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
