It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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