one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
