Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
