a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
