it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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