She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
