I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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