i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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