meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
She announced her abortion via fbk
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
