I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
