even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
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Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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