Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
