I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
