a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
