in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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