Having a random hookup so left but love u
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
