im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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