2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
