are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
