i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
