who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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