Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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