I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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