i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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