I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Semen is not good for contacts.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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