guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
