take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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