She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
