return my video game
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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