I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
