So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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