I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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