Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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