"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
