she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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