It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
