I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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