oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
