i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just had sex on a roof
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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