yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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