when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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