our cab driver is having phone sex.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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