The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
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i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
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You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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