it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
