Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
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