im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
