how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
