brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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