brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
