every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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